Anyone can write it. Here’s how to write it so gay readers recognise themselves.

Yes, you can write gay erotica if you’re not a gay man. Plenty of people do. Studies of M/M romance have found most of its readers and writers are women. What readers care about is whether the men feel real. Get the bodies right and write desire with respect. Then readers will judge the story, not the author.

Who writes gay erotica?

All sorts of people. Gay and bi men write it. So do women of every orientation, as well as nonbinary writers. Academic studies of M/M romance have found women make up most of its readers and authors. Many write under pen names, so you often can’t tell from the byline. The genre has always been wider than one group.

What do readers care about most?

They care whether the sex feels true. A reader who’s had the experience will notice if the details are wrong. Prep and positions need care, as does what bottoming actually feels like. My guide on writing a first-time anal scene covers the physical side honestly.

Readers also want the men to want each other. Two men who seem to be having sex for an invisible audience feel hollow. Desire has to come from inside the characters.

How do you write gay men with respect?

Write them as people first. Give each man his own history and his own reason for being in the room. Avoid stock types, like the camp best friend who exists to make jokes. Let the men be ordinary. Gay men are plumbers and accountants. Most of them aren’t living in a fashion shoot. Cole in Rough day works for a moving company, and the day he’s had drives the whole story.

Be careful with tropes. The straight guy trope is popular, but it works best when the story takes the man’s desire seriously. Mocking it or treating it as a phase usually misses.

How do you get the details right?

Read widely in the genre, especially stories by gay men. Free archives are a good start. My guide on where to read free gay erotic stories lists the main ones. Notice how they fit practical things like lube in among the emotion.

Then ask for readers. A gay man reading your draft can spot the false notes in minutes. Ask him specific questions, such as whether a position works or a line of dialogue sounds right.

Do you need personal experience to write a good sex scene?

No. Writers describe things they haven’t done all the time. Crime writers don’t commit murders. What you need is curiosity and careful research. Lived experience helps with small details, so fill that gap with reading and honest readers. Focus on sensation and emotion, which every reader understands. My guide on how to write a gay sex scene walks through it step by step.

Should you tell readers who you are?

That’s your choice. Many erotica writers on every side use pen names and share nothing personal. Some readers in M/M romance have debated whether authors should disclose their identity. There’s no single rule. What you shouldn’t do is invent a personal history to seem more authentic.

Common mistakes

The most common is writing the men like a man and a woman with the labels swapped. Another is getting anal sex wrong, from skipping prep to treating it as painless every time. Some writers also lean on words like “manhood” that no gay reader uses. My guide to words to avoid in erotica lists the worst of them. Finally, keep every character clearly adult.

FAQ

Do gay men read gay erotica written by women?

Many do, if the story is good. Readers mostly judge the writing.

Do I need to say I’m not gay in my author bio?

No. You don’t have to share anything about yourself.

Is it fetishising to write gay erotica if I’m straight?

It can be, if the men exist only to perform. Writing them as full people with their own desire avoids that.

How do I research gay sex respectfully?

Read stories by gay writers alongside sexual health guides. Ask friends who are happy to talk, and don’t interrogate strangers.

Can straight men write gay erotica?

Yes. The same advice applies to anyone. Get the details right and take the desire seriously.